One Life, One Love
by Jun-I
Summary: Kanbei's sequel to Unforgiven. The Shimada family tries to arrange a marriage for 26 year old Kanbei, but will all things work as planned? Ch7: Past guilt and present grief merge in the mind of a soldier who now sees the future through dead eyes. Fin.
1. A Good Match

_"Life and love in their fullness were always possibilities just beyond his reach, mirages that disappeared when he reached for them. Was this his reward for killing someone for daring to seize those very things?"_

Retribution , Chapter 9

---

"I heard my nephew is back on rotation," Shimada Juubei said to Seibei as the two middle-aged samurai walked together down the wide corridors of the Shimada estate.

Seibei answered his older brother, "Yes, Kanbei is back from the front and will be here for another four months unless duty calls earlier. Has he not come to pay his respects to you?"

Juubei was as silent as the moonlight streaming through the shutters, but Seibei knew the answer. The last time Juubei saw Kanbei was when Kanbei set his cousin Shizuka's sword before him. That was a year ago.

Shimada Seibei father sighed. "I will tell him to come pay his respects to you and his aunt."

"Please do not force him, dear brother," Juubei came to a halt near an open lattice window. "Tell him, my wife and I do not blame him for Shizuka's death. My daughter did wrong. She was punished. Kanbei did his duty. We forgive him. Tell him to feel no shame before us. If anyone should feel shame, it should be my wife and I. But the daimyo has been gracious and did not impute the crime of one to our whole family. Or it would have gone ill for all of us."

Seibei too paused his step, looking out the window at the clear night sky. "We have already conveyed your generous thoughts to Kanbei many months ago, but the shadow lingers over his soul."

"So I have heard," Juubei glanced up at the stars, "That the dark mood does not lift from him."

Seibei sighed. For a while the two high-ranking retainers of the Aokuma clan stood in thoughtful silence, gazing at the full moon above. Then Juubei spoke, "Perhaps it is time to find my nephew a wife. Someone of cheerful disposition. She might cure his unhappiness."

"We already gave Kanbei the new arrival in the clan to be his orderly," Seibei replied, "The boy Shichiroji was chosen for his cheerful disposition. From what I've heard, he has proven a good servant over the past 6 months. Yet his presence does not seem to lift Kanbei's mood by much."

"A wife would be different," Juubei insisted. "I heard the daughter of Colonel Hasegawa is a kind soul and of vivacious nature. As yet, she is still unengaged. It might not be a bad match. Colonel Hasegawa is the maternal cousin of the daimyo."

---

And so, before a week had passed, the matchmaker Onaka came to visit the Shimada estate. The wife of Shimada Seibei received the guest in one of the private tearooms, and a servant was sent to summon her son.

Shimada Kanbei, with his mother sitting beside him, listened patiently as the matchmaker rattled off a seemingly interminable list of personal details about a woman he had never met.

"Hasegawa Chihiro, supply officer with Platoon 2, 6th Support Company, rank Lieutenant. 26 years old. Height: 5 foot 10 inches…."

After the long recitation was over, the young man was still quietly unresponsive. His mother looked anxiously at her son, and Onaka shifted her gaze from mother to son, and back again, upon which Mrs Shimada finally spoke. "You already know Chihiro's brother Masao. Your aunt has discreetly interviewed Miss Hasegawa's subordinates. The lady seems to be well-liked by those under her command. There were no major complaints about her temper or character. Miss Chihiro does not seem to be a harsh mistress and would most likely not be a shrewish wife… if you have no objections, perhaps we can arrange a short meeting."

The young man bowed his head in polite assent.

---

As Kanbei emerged wearily from the meeting with the matchmaker, a cheerful blond 16 year old bounded up him.

"Have you ever met Chihiro-dono?" The young orderly asked.

"No," Kanbei replied.

"Well, her brother is handsome, so she can't be too ugly," Shichiroji said encouragingly. "Are you excited to meet her?"

"It would be my duty to meet with her." The young officer spoke without emotion.

--------

Within three days, Onaka had made an appointment to visit to the Hasegawa household. And so it came to pass, before the week was over, that a tall, slim young woman sat patiently in the sitting room of the Hasegawa estate, listening to the matchmaker reciting a list of personal trivia about a man she had never met.

"Shimada Kanbei, 26 years old, Air Force Major with the Allied Forces' 5th Squadron. Should be due for a promotion soon. He is the son of Lieutenant Colonel Shimada Seibei and Captain Shimada Satomi…"

The lady's mother sat beside her, nodding encouragingly at the matchmaker Onaka. Kneeling some distance behind the highborn samurai maiden was her handmaid. This young woman from a lower-ranking samurai family was dressed after the manner of a warrior, her battle-scarred face appropriately impassive and her large eyes modestly downcast. But if one had looked closely, one might have seen a flash of anger in those dark brown eyes when the matchmaker praised the virtues of the handsome young Shimada Kanbei.

--

**Author's Comments:**

In the Retribution universe, the Great War was waged between the states allied with the shogun and the states loyal to the emperor. Each state was ruled by a military government (the samurai clan) which maintained its own forces for internal defense. But each clan had to contribute troops to the combined forces. The combined army for the states on the shogun's side is called the Forces of the Allied Provinces, or Allied Forcess, for short. Kanbei is in the Allied Forces. The other side is the Confederated Prefectures. In companion fic Wolf Warriors, Mizuho, Ayame and Kyuuzou went straight into the Army of Confederated Prefectures. They were never affiliated with a clan. Their samurai senpai Haruko went into the Confederated Army through her clan, and then brought her 3 commoner kouhai in.

**Notes and Inspirations:**

- This is a companion fic to _Unforgiven_. Part of the _Retribution_ series.

The social structure in this fic is partly influenced by the samurai and partly by Chinese military history.

_**The female soldier in East Asian tradition:**_

A military man using a female family member as an aide or a second-in-command was not unheard of in medieval Chinese and Japanese military history. For example, General Qin Liangyu of the Ming Dynasty was at one time her husband's second-in-command. Shen Yunying of the Ming Dynasty assumed command of her father's troops after he was killed in battle. The Imperial Court officially gave Shen her father's rank and responsibilities. In most instances, the East Asian woman warrior is reporting to a male family member as a subordinate, as in the case of Tomoe, wife of Yoshinaka and one of his sub-commanders. (Tomoe is arguably the most famous samurai woman – a great warrior not just by women's standards, but by general standards.) But in rare cases, the woman's career exceeds those of her husband and brothers - General Qin had command of both her older and younger brothers. Going further back in the history of both Japan and China to the ancient era, one would find more instances of female supreme commanders who led campaigns, e.g. Empress Jingo and Empress Fuhao.

So in this story, both Kanbei's mother and his intended wife are military officers, though lower-ranking ones. Chihiro is a supply officer from a support unit; she is not a combat soldier. Samurai women, although trained in the martial arts, typically did not go into battle as combat soldiers. However, all clan members, male or female, were expected to fight if the clan was under attack. (See _Secrets of the Samurai_, Ratti/Westbrook) Still, the role of women as combatants, for the most part, is defensive. Likewise, Chinese female troopers usually fulfilled support roles such as maintaining supplies, building traps/weapons or holding the fort. But there are exceptions, such as Qin, Shen, Tomoe, and many more women, who led combat troops.

_**The warrior-maidservant ( female soldiers are often not alone among men):**_

- As for a ranking military woman having maidservants serving as aides/orderlies, I was inspired by both legend and history. A documentary I saw on Tokugawa era contained an account of a woman of the samurai class taking an assignment to serve in a higher-ranking samurai household (but not as a soldier). In the Chinese legend of the Yang family with its numerous female generals, the household maids were trained in the martial arts and functioned as a private army. Historical female commanders, including rebel commanders born outside the military class, may lead male troops but their closest companions were often female soldiers. The rebel leader Wang Cong'er, by no means the only female supreme commander in the long history of the White Lotus Sect, commanded men but she was also accompanied by female troopers. These women warriors committed suicide with Wang and her male co-commandant when they were finally surrounded by government forces and defeat was inevitable.


	2. First Smile

A date was set for a meeting between the prospective bride and groom. It was arranged that they should meet in 'neutral territory' – a tearoom in the clubhouse for the high-ranking retainers for their clan. As expected, the lady came with a chaperone, her personal maid. Young Kanbei too, was accompanied by his orderly Shichiroji. At first, the blond boy was worried that his commander would ruin the meeting with a sullen attitude, but to his relief, Kanbei at least made the effort to be polite.

Shichiroji guessed right. Chihiro was not too ugly. In fact, she was very far from ugly. The samurai woman had a pleasant oval face, shiny pale blue hair and flawless ebony skin. Her maid, in contrast, did not have flawless skin. An angry white scar crossed the servant's right cheek and part of her right ear was missing.

But the young man was not looking at the serving woman. He was looking at her fair mistress.

The mutual interview went well. In fact, better than Kanbei had hoped. The two samurai chatted amiably about their various tours of duty and asked politely after each other's work. The matchmaker was right. Lieutenant Hasegawa Chihiro seemed to be intelligent, disciplined and of good disposition. Kanbei did not see the effervescent cheerfulness that his aunt mentioned, but that would not be expected for a first meeting, which had to be conducted with appropriate reserve.

At length, the unsmiling maid spoke, "My lady, it is time to go." Chihiro excused herself and rose to leave with her dour maid.

Gazing after Chihiro's tall, graceful figure, the young officer smiled in spite of himself. Shichiroji grinned. It was the first time he had seen his master smile ever since he entered the service of the Shimada household.

Marriage was a matter of duty. Few men expected to love their wives or even like them. But Kanbei thought that perhaps loving Chihiro might not be too hard. Perhaps in the years to come, they will learn to love each other.

The cheeky voice of his orderly interrupted his thoughts. "You like her!" Shichiroji said brightly.

"You're out of line," Kanbei rebuked the boy mildly. But the officer did not sound too annoyed.

--

_Later, in the Shimada household…_

"Did our son agree?" Shimada Seibei asked his wife Satomi. "It went well," the middle-aged woman replied as she beamed with joy.

Thus, a wedding date was set after the appropriate exchange of engagement gifts. If all went as planned, the young couple would be married before Kanbei had to return to the front.

--

_In the Hasegawa estate…_

"What will become of us after you wed, sister-friend?" The maid said to her mistress in the privacy of Chihiro's chamber.

"We will do what other women have always done. They marry and carry on as before. Their husbands allow it."

"I fear Shimada Kanbei is not that manner of man. What if he wishes to be rid of me?"

"I will not allow it. You will move with me to the Shimada house, and you will stay with me as my handmaid. "

"It will be agony for me to let another touch you." The scar-faced samurai said unhappily.

"But that is the only way. Our foremothers have not asked for anything different." The bride-to-be sighed.

"But I am not like them." The shorter woman said stubbornly. "I will have all or nothing."

"You want something that is beyond our reach." Chihiro replied resignedly.

"And above my station." The low-ranking samurai woman spat bitterly.

"If only one of us were a man. Then our way would be easier." Chihiro whispered as the two friends touched their foreheads together.

"Even if one of us had been a man, you would still be out of my reach," the brown-skinned samurai reminded her dark mistress. "For my household ranks far below yours."

* * *

**Author's Comments:**

As to the history of women-women liaisons, _Male Colors: The Construction of Homosexuality in Tokugawa Japan_ suggests: "Lesbian relationships… were particularly common in the shogun's seraglio…" Such a phenomenon was not limited the Japan. The history of the Jin Dynasty (a Jurchen dynasty) in northern China records that all the Imperial Wives had maidservants dressed as men, whom they had for bed partners. _Male Colors: The Construction of Homosexuality in Tokugawa Japan _also mentioned records of women 'who despised liaisons with men' and preferred other women.

romantic friendships between women were also amply recorded in pre-modern Chinese literature, such as Pu Songling's Liaozhai Tales.


	3. The Challenger

**Vocab:** _yojimbo_ – bodyguard

**Notes:  
**The account of Midori's defense of Chihiro is inspired by the historical account of Chinese Three Kingdoms era warrior Zhou Tai defending his lord Sun Quan. Zhou Tai was cut all over by multiple attackers but he did not stop fighting. The lord was saved and Zhou Tai remained on the brink of death for weeks after the battle. He recovered, but his body remained covered with scars.

* * *

As part of the expected 'background research' on his future wife's family, Shimada Kanbei was being given a tour of the Hasegawa estate's barracks, which housed most of the unmarried samurai under the colonel's command. Gozaemon, one of Colonel Hasegawa's lieutenants, had the duty of playing tour guide to the future son-in-law.

The lieutenant had just shown the major and his orderly the training hall of the Hasegawa household's samurai where many of the foot soldiers and lower-ranking officers were training. As the three samurai turned to leave, they heard a woman's voice behind them.

"Care for a match, Major?"

Kanbei and Shichiroji turned around to face the samurai who had just spoken. Shichiroji observed the challenger. It was a non-commissioned officer. He recognized her as the handmaid of Kanbei's wife-to-be.

"I am Okita Midori, Staff Sergeant to Lieutenant Hasegawa," the scar-faced warrior announced herself. The dark maiden did not have the height or the big bone frame of the Shimada women, but with her fierce dark eyes, angular chin and wavy near-black hair, she could have passed for Kanbei's sister. And with Midori's proud demeanor, none would have guessed she was just a serving woman at home and a grunt in the army.

Shichiroji bristled at what he perceived to be the casual, haughty attitude with which this samurai of humble rank was addressing his master. "A pointless exercise," the boy soldier said pointedly to the low-ranking officer. "You are no match for the major."

"Yes, I know. I have read of the history of many duels in ages past. Time and again, it has been shown that a low-ranking warrior, even one with more battle experience, is no match for an aristocrat who had access to the best sword teachers. But the way of the samurai is not in winning or losing. It is in doing one's best."

"Are you trying to imply you have more battle experience than Major Shimada?" Shichiroji asked testily.

"No, that was not my intention." Midori replied coolly. "Though I don't believe I have fewer battle scars than he has."

"Staff Sergeant Okita…" Gozaemon said to Midori in a warning voice.

"Perhaps your scars attest more to the inferiority of your skill than to the superiority of your courage," the orderly snapped angrily at the female samurai.

"Shichiroji!" Kanbei spoke sharply. "Those words do not become you. Apologize to Midori-dono."

"This sergeant does not show you due respect, Major," the blond said indignantly.

"That would be Staff Sergeant for you, Private Shichiroji," Midori corrected him.

"I do have other engagements today," Kanbei answered Midori, "But I will be willing to spar with you another time."

"At your convenience, sir," the low-ranking samurai replied as she bowed to Kanbei. Shichiroji quivered with outrage. The woman's bow was not quite low enough. It was the bow of an equal, not the bow of a subordinate.

---

"I am sure Midori is no match for you, Kanbei-dono," Gozaemon said as they left the training hall and walked through the rock garden of the Hasegawa estate, "But I would not take her too lightly if I were you. When Chihiro's supply caravan was attacked in Kamakura two years ago, Midori fought with the courage of ten men. She single-handedly killed 20 enemy samurai in defense of her mistress, and wounded many more. Her unusual performance was probably due more to desperation than to skill. Still, it was said Midori was cut all over by the enemies' swords and yet she did not stop fighting. The lady escaped harm and Midori was on the brink of death for weeks due to the seriousness of her injuries. Lieutenant Chihiro herself tended to her wounds. Even now, the Staff Sergeant's body is marked all over with scars."

Shichiroji raised his eyebrows as he asked with cheeky sarcasm, "And may I ask how you would know that, Gozaemon-dono?

Gozaemon rolled his eyes at the blond. "Of course I do not know that first hand, you dirty-minded little brat. But the female samurai have seen her in the bath house and that's what they say. This feat of bravery earned her the nickname of Small Tiger. For her courage at Kamakura, Midori was promoted from sergeant to staff sergeant. Though I think her career will not rise much higher than that. After all, she is from a low-ranking family and children seldom exceed their fathers' ranks by much."

"She seems unusually well-read for someone from a family of humble rank." Kanbei remarked to Gozaemon.

The other samurai replied, "Her father Okita Ryosuke was a sergeant under Colonel Hasegawa, who was at that time a captain. Miss Chihiro in her childhood was of playful disposition and loathe to sit still. Her tutors had a difficult time getting her undivided attention, so Mrs Hasegawa decided to find her a maidservant who could also be a study partner. This would be a girl of serious disposition from a lower-ranking samurai family – to show Miss Chihiro that a girl of her standing should behave even better. Thus the young daughter of Sergeant Okita was chosen to study with Miss Chihiro during her lessons."

"I see," Kanbei said.

--

As the young orderly left the Hasegawa estate with his commanding officer, he could barely restrain himself from speaking out of turn. "Sir, I don't see why you put up with that yojimbo's rudeness." Shichiroji's young voice quivered. "She is the typical case of a maidservant who is too well-loved by her mistress and forgets her place. Your first act as head of the family after marrying Miss Chihiro should be to dismiss your wife's insufferably arrogant bodyguard."

"I don't think Midori intends any harm. She is probably trying to see if I'm worthy of her lady, that's all." Kanbei replied evenly.

"Oh, Kanbei-sama," Shichiroji answered, "You are more than worthy. You have nothing to prove to a serving maid."

--

_Back at the Hasegawa estate, another lecture was going on…_

"Are you out of your mind?!! Challenging your future master?" Gozaemon was nearly shouting at Midori. "And before you kick a dog, you should see who his owner is. That boy Shichiroji might be lower-ranking than you, but his master outranks your mistress. When you move over to the Shimada household with her, you can be certain your life will not be easy if you offend either Kanbei-dono or his orderly. Not that you haven't offended them already!"

--

It was three days later when Shimada Kanbei and Okita Midori met in the training hall of the Shimada estate. Shichiroji accompanied his master.

"How would you like to conduct the match?" Kanbei asked graciously.

"Three rounds," the staff sergeant said.

"Very well," the major replied, "Let's begin."

The duel was conducted with wooden swords. Midori was more than a head shorter than Kanbei but she had the speed more typical of smaller fighters. Still, it was clear to Shichiroji that the low-ranking samurai was no match for his master in skill. The first round ended when Kanbei struck the samurai woman sharply across the right forearm. She barely winced at the pain but despite her best efforts not to, she dropped her weapon.

Midori picked up her sword without missing a beat while keeping her dark eyes trained on her opponent. "Second round," she said with no trace of emotion. The impact of Kanbei's blow must have gone home, Shichiroji thought, for the warrior woman entered the second round using a double-handed grip.

The second round ended when Kanbei slipped in a clear strike to the shorter samurai's neck, softening the blow to a light touch as his wooden sword made contact with Midori's skin.

The staff sergeant barely blinked. Then she stated flatly, "Third round."

"You already lost two out of three matches." Shichiroji interjected. "What is the purpose of having the third? It is clear that Major Shimada is the victor."

"But the major and I agreed on three matches. And I will not settle for less," the low-ranking samurai said stubbornly. Shichiroji shook indignantly at the staff sergeant's seeming arrogance.

This time Midori was more cautious and paying more attention to timing and distancing. After a few exchanges, the match ended when Midori caught Kanbei off guard with an oblique thrust to the eye, a technique that was frowned upon in friendly matches due to the danger involved. If one party was not skilled enough to stop in time, or if the other party was not quick enough to dodge in time, the consequences with even a wooden sword would be dire.

But Midori did stop in time. Three inches from Kanbei's left eye. It was quite clear that the Major would not have had time to dodge or parry if the technique had gone through. Shichiroji gave a gasp of disapproval. Kanbei's expression remained neutral. "You win," he bowed to Midori.

"No, honorable sir," the lower-ranking soldier replied, "You have already won." Then she bowed low and silently left the training room.

Kanbei gazed after the short but sturdy frame of the battle-hardened samurai. Gozaemon was right. Midori was below his level in skill but she was not to be underestimated. Within three rounds the staff sergeant had figured out his strategy and found an opening to exploit, despite his superior size and reach. Not many samurai could do that, even higher-ranking ones.

**_

* * *

Author's Comments:_**

- I'm using the term 'aristocrat' very loosely here. In the 'real world' of the Tokugawa era, Kanbei, even being from a high-ranking family in the service of the daimyo, would not have been considered a noble. Even his daimyo (literally 'great name', roughly but not quite equivalent to prefect or provincial governor, perhaps more accurately described as hereditary military governor of a fief) might not have been considered a noble. Only daimyo of the highest rank (with rice revenue of above a certain number of 'stones' – unit of measure) were considered aristocrats together with the kuge (the 'civilian' court nobles). Most samurai were ultimately of peasant ancestry, and no matter how much political power individual samurai lords came to wield, they were not considered nobles until the Imperial Restoration, when the daimyo joined the ranks of the nobles.

- The idea of using a serving maid as the study partner for a lady comes from the old Chinese novel Peony Pavilion. 'Red Girl' from Peony Pavilion is coincidentally a cheeky servant who shamelessly defies higher-status men. Yet it is the woman who does not know her place who drives the story. Midori (whose name means 'Green') is not based on 'Red Girl', but she can be read as a manifestation of an existing archetype.

- Midori's line about a low-ranking samurai with more battle experience still being no match for a high-born samurai with better training is borrowed from _Secrets of the Samurai _(Ratti/Westbrook).


	4. All Or Nothing

Note: Midori and Kanbei are not related. It is a mere coincidence they resemble each other.

* * *

The cherry trees bloomed rather late that year. It was well into spring before the first pink blossoms appeared. When the cherry trees were in full bloom, Kanbei came to visit his friend Masao in Seikawa, where Colonel Hasegawa's estate was located. Together, the two young samurai men walked through the public cherry gardens just outside the town.

--

Midori reached up and plucked a cherry bough off a young tree. With a flourish, she presented it to the tall slender woman beside her.

"_The flowers of spring_  
_Cannot compare  
__With the light of your face  
__I live for your smile_

_At the sight of you  
__My soul longs to sing  
__Of a thousand flowers blooming  
__In my soaring heart"_

"Another poem you composed yourself or were those lines from a book?" Chihiro smiled.

"Both," Midori smiled in return, "Some lines I read in a book and another few I conjured out of my humble mind. Want to guess which ones are which?"

---

Unknown to the two maidens enjoying the cherry blossoms, two young men were watching them from a discreet distance. Shimada Kanbei and Hasegawa Masao stood behind an old tree, throwing occasional glances at the two dark women who were admiring the cherry blossoms.

"Are your sister and her maid…." Kanbei ventured.

"… lovers?" Masao completed the question for him.

"They do seem uncommonly intimate." Kanbei remarked. If Midori and Chihiro were lovers, that might explain Midori's challenging and hostile attitude towards him.

"I'm not sure if 'lovers' is the right word to use," Kanbei's future brother-in-law said. "Midori was brought to my house when she was little. She grew up with my sister and they became very good friends. As maidservant at home, Midori naturally became Chihiro's orderly in the military, and had been promoted to her aide sometime back. So yes, they live together, and work together."

"You do not deny their intimacy," Shimada Kanbei turned to face Hasegawa Masao.

"Does it bother you?" Masao raised his eyebrows. The unsmiling Kanbei did not answer.

The handsome ebony-skinned samurai said to his friend, "Surely you're well-read enough in history to know that this sort of thing has been going on in the imperial court and all the great houses for hundreds of years. And in the lesser houses too. It is no big matter."

Yes, Kanbei had heard of such matters. Liaisons between women were common among the ladies in the harems of the emperor and the shogun, and many a cloistered daughter of a noble house had a maid for a lover. Most great men considered it an acceptable outlet for the womenfolk's passions.

Seeing the other samurai's sullen silence, Masao asked. "Would you rather have your bride fool around with other men before your wedding day? What women do with each other is of no consequence. I vouch for the chastity of my sister. We men take our pleasure with youths and courtesans while out on duty. Surely we cannot deny the women a little companionship of their own?"

Kanbei contemplated Masao's words which seemed to have a strange logic. It seemed all well and good if it was going on in someone else's household, but the young samurai did not feel as if he could be as tolerant as his contemporaries or his forefathers when it came to his own wife.

He was a man who would have all or nothing. But what could he do? Sometimes a man cannot will with whom his wife chooses to keep company.

--

"He's watching you," Midori said resentfully.

"I know," Chihiro replied calmly .

The two women stood in silence under the cherry boughs for a while. Then Midori said with sudden vehemence, "Let's leave this place! Let us flee to somewhere where we can just be you and me, and not pawns in someone else's game."

"You ask the impossible." Chihiro sighed. "You forget the fate of Shimada Shizuka."

"It is a risk I am willing to take," Midori replied passionately, gazing up into Chihiro's pale blue eyes. "For you, I will defy the world!"

"I know, my dear sister," her mistress replied as tears stung her eyes, "For me, you have already defied the might of the Confederated Army. I will never forget that."

"And yet all this does not count on my behalf," the young woman who vaguely resembled Kanbei replied in a bitter voice, "and this man, who has done nothing for you, can simply send a matchmaker and have your hand."

"Nay, do not speak only of you and me, my friend. Selfish words do not become a soldier." Chihiro replied. "Think also of family and clan." With the cherry sprig, the blue-haired lady wrote on the ground the character for 'samurai'.

"Did you know what was the other meaning of this word? Besides 'warrior'?" the female officer asked her friend.

"Yes, you've told me before, honorable mistress. It means 'to serve' or 'servant'."

"So we are servants first and foremost, even before we are warriors." Chihiro spoke.

"Yes, our very existence is defined by duty. With no one to serve, we will be nothing. Each generation will do its duty. To fight and die. To marry in the best interests of one's family, to have children and raise them in the way of the warrior. To ensure the continuation of the clan." Midori recited dully. "Even our own lives are not our own to dispose of as we wish. Even suicide must follow prescribed rules."

"To do what you asked is to go against the very core of who we were born to be and raised to be. To betray clan and family." Chihiro spoke in a neutral tone. "Be strong, my friend, and stay the course. We will all have to do our duty."

--

The young women had left the cherry garden. Kanbei wandered over to the place where Chihiro last stood. He saw the character for 'samurai' written in the earth and wondered what manner of conversation the two maidens had been having.

* * *

**Author's Comments:**

- The literal meaning of the kanji for 'samurai' is "one who serves." Although the character for "one who serves" has come to mean "feudal warrior" in Japanese, the same character has different connotations in continental/peninsular East Asia -"to serve" is the Chinese understanding, and 'servant' is the Korean meaning. Unlike its Japanese usage, it is used in conjunction with other characters, and not as a standalone character. The Chinese, Korean and Japanese languages shared a common set of ideograms (termed _kanji_ in Japanese), but the same characters sometimes have different meanings between the languages. The character for 'musume' – 'daughter/girl' in Japanese means 'woman' and in some contexts 'mother' in Chinese. Very different. Another example is the Chinese character for 'wrist'. In Japanese, it means 'arm'.

- Some readers are probably wondering how 'realistic' it is that Kanbei is not confident of his authority over his wife even in his own house, considering it is a patriarchal society he is living in. As for a 'real world' example of a powerful man not having enough clout to control his wife's associations, there is the warlord Liu Bei of the Chinese Three Kingdoms era. According to a non-fiction web article I read, he took as wife the sister of rival warlord Sun Quan. Lady Sun came to her husband's kingdom with her own male troops as well as her honor guard of a few dozen female soldiers.

Liu Bei had no authority over these warriors who answered only to his wife. His 'private' meetings with his wife were conducted under the watchful eyes of her armed female warriors, whom he was acutely aware were loyal only to Lady Sun and could do him harm if they so chose. Dismissing these unpleasant guards was out of the question as it would offend Sun Quan. The political marriage lasted only a few years. Lady Sun headed for home when Sun Quan lost interest in keeping the peace with Liu Bei. In this fic, Chihiro's father outranks Kanbei's father even if Kanbei himself outranks Chihiro. So Kanbei might not have enough power over Chihiro to get rid of Midori.


	5. A Strange Request

One week before the wedding, Shimada Kanbei invited his betrothed wife to a pleasant little teahouse in his hometown. The lady arrived with her scar-faced handmaiden. Kanbei came alone.

The young couple took their seats in an elegant private tearoom while the dour samurai maidservant took her place at the room's door, standing at attention like a sentry.

The young samurai man addressed Chihiro courteously. "I invited you here because I would like to have a private talk with you before the auspicious date of the joining of our two families. To put things more clearly, I would like to know if there is anything I can do before our wedding to ease your move to the Shimada household."

"Oh…" his wife-to-be responded cautiously.

"You don't have to give me an answer at this very moment," young Kanbei said, "But if there is anything that comes to mind, such as food preferences my household servants ought to know about, or your favorite perfume for scenting your clothes, please do not hesitate to let me know."

The slender dark woman with shimmering pale blue hair smiled and said, "You are most considerate."

There was a short silence. Then Kanbei asked, "Tea?" Miss Hasegawa nodded politely.

Rather solicitously, he raised the small purple-sand teapot and poured his betrothed wife a cup of tea. Kanbei offered the small porcelain cup to Chihiro. His fingers grazed against hers ever so lightly when she took the cup from his hand. The beautiful young maiden started slightly.

"I'm sorry," the handsome young man said with a hint of embarrassment. "I did not intend to offend." But Kanbei's action was not an accident. It was a test.

Out of the corner of his eye, the dark samurai could see the disfigured handmaid standing next to the door glaring at him. Midori's fingers had tightened reflexively around her sword hilt. Kanbei did not think the low-ranking samurai woman had any intention of killing him, but he would not be surprised if she turned out to be the kind of servant who would spit in his food.

Chihiro diverted attention from the awkward moment by speaking, "Come to think of it, there is a favor I would like to ask of my husband."

"Please speak your mind," Kanbei said earnestly as he gazed into Chihiro's pale blue eyes.

"Or rather, my maidservant Midori has a favor to ask," the ebony-skinned beauty said. "My handmaid would like to ask her future master to make no marriages for her."

In a marriage between two such households, it was custom for the wife's handmaid to accompany her mistress to her husband's house. And eventually the serving woman's new master would find her a match with another samurai under his command, someone of similar social standing to the low-ranking samurai woman. That was one avenue open to Kanbei to be rid of Midori eventually. But the women must have foreseen such a possibility.

Kanbei did not answer his betrothed wife's request immediately. "Of course," the young man thought. "Already the two women are moving matters to prevent me from separating them. Ever."

He cast a glance at the maidservant standing beside the door. Now Midori's eyes were submissively downcast, but yet the samurai maiden could not quite veil the defiance and resentment simmering just under her skin. Unlike Major Shimada, the samurai of humble rank had not mastered the art of keeping one's passions hidden. Kanbei felt the hope for domestic bliss grow dim. Must he return home from the battlefield only to be faced with his wife's jealous lover in his own house?

Oddly enough, Masao had earlier suggested a 'solution' that would give Kanbei nominal authority over Okita Midori – to take Midori as a minor wife after marrying his sister. "I know she is not much to look at," his future brother-in-law had said, "But at least she would then be obligated to obey you and not just her mistress. That might give you a measure of control over the goings on in your household. My sister won't complain. And Okita Midori's father can't refuse you. His rank is low."

But Kanbei was not enthused by the idea of having Midori for a concubine. He did not feel the slightest degree of warmth towards that woman, although he would not go as far as to say he detested her.

Faced with her betrothed husband's unreadable silence, Chihiro spoke again, "My handmaid knows she is not fair of face and would not presume to impose her presence on any man."

Midori would not impose herself on any man. That was not true. There was one man Midori would be imposing her presence on - Shimada Kanbei. He turned his eyes back to his future wife's beautiful face and wondered if he could ever win her love. But there was no turning back. To break off the engagement without serious cause would bring dishonor to both households.

Kanbei took a deep breath. Then he said to Chihiro, "Midori can live with us as long as she desires. She will always be welcome in my house."

His beautiful fiancée smiled. "Thank you!"

Kanbei nodded. "Don't mention it," he said politely. Then Major Shimada turned to the armed handmaid standing by the door of the room. "Staff Sergeant Okita, would you care to join us for some tea? We're safe here. We don't need a sentry." Shimada Kanbei said in an amiable voice.

Simmering resentment melted into vague astonishment in the short young woman's dark brown eyes as she stared at Kanbei. Then she recovered from her surprise. "I wouldn't dare," Okita Midori said gruffly. "It won't be appropriate for a servant to overstep her limits."

"It is clear my wife-to-be loves you as a dear sister," The striking young officer addressed the servant with a pained smile. "So I shall endeavor to honor you as my sister too."

--

Later, back at the Hasegawa estate… 

"My mistress, dismiss me from your service!" Midori pleaded unhappily. "I hate him! He is a good man but I still hate him! I can't help myself. If I stay by your side, I will only be an impediment to your happiness!"

"No, sister," Chihiro said in alarm. "Banish the thought! Come to the Shimada house with me. Kanbei will abide us!"

"But I cannot abide him! I cannot abide anyone who will touch you in that manner." The servant declared. "Much as my mind wants to, my heart cannot comply!" The brown-skinned maiden knelt down before her lovely mistress as tears filled the eyes of both young women.

"Forgive me!" Midori whispered. "I am cruel and selfish. But Kanbei is an honorable, generous man. Perhaps he will make you happy, more than I can. You deserve better than me. Let me go!"

* * *

**Author's Comments:**

As for the possibility of Kanbei marrying Midori as a minor wife, it seemed quite a common practice for samurai men to have 'long term relationships' (aka concubinage) with women from lower-ranking samurai families or women from 'lower' social classes (such as peasants, merchants, entertainment professionals). As long as the couple was not married, it invited little social criticism. If a samurai man wanted to marry a woman from a lower class, his parents' suggestion would typically be 'Why marry her? Just take her as a concubine".

Quite a number of the Shinsengumi guys in movies were depicted as maintaining concubines, who in some cases were 'redeemed' geishas. The commentary on Seven Samurai also stated the only option open to Katsushiro to remain with Shino was to take her as a concubine (presumably his family would not approve of marriage), but could he afford to maintain her?

The concubine often had to move out of her husband's house once he takes a legal wife, unless the wife was amenable to keeping her around.

I'm guessing Shichiroji and Yukino never married partly because of this social taboo. As long as they were not legally wedded, no one, samurai or otherwise, would criticize the class-crossing aspect of their relationship. The economic aspect might be an issue to some – instead of the samurai maintaining the lower-class woman as concubine, Yukino is maintaining Shichiroji.

As for the likelihood of Chihiro not complaining about Kanbei taking her friend as a second wife, there were a good number of Chinese medieval tales about lesbian lovers trying to get married to the same man so that they could remain together for life. So Kanbei marrying Midori might actually 'fit' with the women's goals, if not for Midori's jealous nature.


	6. One Life, One Love

It was the eve of Chihiro and Kanbei's wedding. The lively young Shichiroji, who always made it his duty to update himself on the latest clan gossip, bounded up to his master first thing in the morning.

"Did you hear?" the boy said gleefully, "Miss Hasegawa dismissed her personal maid. That insufferable Okita Midori has returned to her father's house! Domestic peace is ensured!"

Kanbei received the news with mixed feelings. On one hand, he had no wish to separate his wife from a dear friend, but on the other hand, the young officer would rather not have to tolerate the unfriendly, jealous gaze of those angry dark eyes in the 'peace' of his own home.

But Midori had not returned to her father's house.

--

At that moment, the low-ranking warrior stood at the top of the cliff overlooking a raging waterfall, the very same spot where two young girls had once stood awestruck, as they gazed into the foaming depths below and listened to the thundering torrents.

But now Midori stood there alone. The samurai woman wrapped her green silk scarf around her head while the wind rocked the pine trees behind her. The scarf was a gift from Chihiro – many years ago.

"Chihiro will make a beautiful bride," the disfigured samurai thought as she raised her hand to her scarred cheek. Before the battle at Kamakura, Midori too had been beautiful, but she knew that even if she was still beautiful, it would mean nothing and change nothing. Chihiro would never be hers. Her beloved was destined for the arms of another.

But the samurai maiden would not stop the wedding even if she could. The dark warrior who once said she would have "all or nothing" had chosen "nothing" so that Chihiro could have every happiness.

"Goodbye, my beloved," Midori whispered. "I wish you the very best life has to offer." The dark-haired young woman opened her arms and inhaled deeply. For a long, long time, Okita Midori stood still in this high place between Earth and Sky, listening to the rush of the falling water, the sigh of the wind in the trees and the sound of her own breath.

Then she spoke to herself. "What is duty without joy? And life without love?" Tears now flowed freely down the face of the samurai who did not weep when she was cut by a dozen blades. "For this life, I have only one love to live for! And for this love, I have only one life to give!"

"Chihiro!!!" An anguished voice calling a woman's name was blown away by the wind. All that remained was the roar of the mighty waterfall.

--

Yet it was the same wind that blew this desperate cry to the bride-to-be, sitting alone in her bedchamber.

Chihiro was looking in the silver-framed hand mirror in her hand, only too aware that the maidservant who combed her long hair everyday was no longer there behind her. "Good bye, dear friend," she said as the tears streamed down her face. "I will try to take comfort in the fact that he looks a little like you." Then the fair-headed woman added with a sigh. "He is a kind and honorable man, but he can never be you."

While waiting for her tears to dry, the bride-to-be thought of all the dangers the two women had braved together and all the laughter they once shared. Then she spoke to her absent friend once more. "You said you were leaving me so that I can find happiness. But do you not realize that _you _are my happiness?"

It was that very moment the ebony-skinned woman thought she heard that faint cry in the wind. The sound of her own name. "Chihiro!!!"

"Midori!" a cry escaped the lips of the samurai maiden. There was the sound of something breaking as the lady's mirror fell to the floor and splintered into a hundred pieces.

---

In the tastefully-decorated living room of the Shimada estate, the groom-to-be was listening to the lecture of his father and uncle on his upcoming duties as a husband. The elders' admonitions were interrupted by an abrupt knock at the door. Then a frantic Hasegawa Masao opened the screen door of the chamber and entered without waiting for the assent of anyone within. Behind him were two servants of the Shimada household, wringing their hands and exclaiming, "We told Masao-dono to wait for us to announce him, but he pushed past us."

Chihiro's brother disregarded the outraged servants and addressed Kanbei immediately. "It's my sister! Without warning she left home and rode off on a fast turtle! The servants could not restrain her. Help me find her or there will be no wedding!"

--

The ebony-skinned maiden stood at the top of the cliff overlooking the grand waterfall where two little girls once squealed with delight at the splendor of the sight. Chihiro saw no trace of Midori until she stepped right up to the edge of the cliff and peered down the steep rock wall leading to the rushing rapids below. Caught on a twisted dwarf pine growing out of that craggy rock face was a woman's green head scarf, fluttering in the wind as if waving to her.

"Midori!!!" The last word uttered by Kanbei's betrothed wife was drowned by the thunderous roar of the mighty waterfall.

---

Masao gasped when he saw his sister's fast turtle abandoned at the top of the waterfall. He turned towards his future brother-in-law, but Kanbei had already wheeled his mount around and was riding down the mountain path leading to the river below.

Masao quickly spurred his fast turtle forward and followed Major Shimada downstream. Before long, they came upon the dreaded sight.

Chihiro's body lay wedged between two rocks in the middle of the river. She was lying face down, her limbs dangling limply while the white waters swirled around her.

Kanbei knew she was in all likelihood dead. The impact of the fall alone would have killed her. But without hesitation he jumped into the river. The young samurai fought the dangerous rapids and swam over to his betrothed wife.

Masao watched anxiously as the young man finally struggled ashore and placed the bruised and cut body of his sister in his waiting arms. Chihiro was, without a doubt, no longer alive. Then Kanbei turned around and waded back into the water.

"What are you doing?" Masao screamed at the man who would have been his brother-in-law. Then the blue-haired samurai saw the body of Midori caught in the low overhanging branches of a short riverbank tree further downstream. Kanbei was wading towards the corpse of the low-ranking samurai.

"Don't do it!" Masao yelled. "The water will carry you away! You were lucky the first time! She's just a servant! And she is already dead!"

Yet the young major ignored him. He was now walking in waist-deep water but the strong currents threatened to pull him into more dangerous depths at any moment. With great difficulty, the tall warrior finally reached the lowly staff sergeant and dragged her out of the branches. Then he tried making his way back to Masao through the rapids. A few times, to the horror of Masao, Kanbei nearly lost his balance while carrying the weight of the dead soldier, but finally he made it back to shore.

As the young officer set the battered body of the lowborn samurai woman down on the grassy bank, he realized that it was not duty and desperation alone that caused Midori to single-handedly cut down twenty enemy samurai in defense of Chihiro. Kanbei too would have defended Chihiro, and even died for her. But it would be out of duty. What moved Midori was more than duty. It was love – a passion that he had never known, and probably would never be lucky enough to know. Then the young man bowed his head and wept.

--

**Author's Comments:**

- A 'real life' precedent of a homosexual samurai love suicide comes from Itami Ukyo and Mokawa Uneme, two young samurai men who committed double suicide in Edo in 1640. (From the book Male Colors: Construction of Homosexuality in Tokugawa Japan)

- (Warning: movie spoilers for Sancharram to follow) The waterfall scene is inspired by the movie Sancharram, in which a high school student stands devastated at the top of a waterfall on her female lover's wedding day. She did not kill herself, however. Sancharram in turn was inspired the real tragedy of two female university students in India, in which one of the young women was found drowned in a reservoir. In the movie, it is a butterfly which flies from the young woman at the waterfall to the place her childhood friend was getting married. But I changed it to a voice borne on the wind in this story.

- Kanbei does not like Midori as a person. But the fact that he would risk his life to honor someone he does not even like shows the nobility of his character.


	7. Epilogue

"Did you hear? That was such a scandal. That two soldiers would think their lives their own, to dispose of as they see fit! And for such a personal, frivolous reason!" The gossip was buzzing around the clan but Kanbei pretended not to hear it. Shichiroji, however, glared daggers at anyone who dared to mention the double suicide within earshot of his master.

Was there a curse following him? Kanbei wondered. Why was it that he was always put in the position of causing the death of people he did not mean to kill?

There was a term for such matters in warfare, the young Shimada mused. It was called 'collateral damage.' There was Shizuka's friend, the enemy deserter. He had no orders concerning her and he would have let her live if circumstances allowed, but she killed herself first rather than trust to the goodwill of soldiers overrunning a farmhouse. In such situations, there were two choices open to a samurai – resistance or suicide. She chose the latter. If the woman chose the former, he and his samurai would have to kill her. Either way, she would have died.

The informants had said that a third person lived in the house shared by the two women. A young child – presumably a servant. A boy or a girl, he was not even sure. He had not seen the child that day. That was just as well, Kanbei thought, or the child too could have been 'collateral damage'.

--

It was the night before Major Shimada was to leave his home and return to the front. Kanbei had a dream. He dreamt that Midori and Chihiro stood before his eyes in a strange gray place without earth and sky. "Are you well?" he spoke earnestly to the two women. "Where are you now? If I had caused you any sorrow in the land of the living, please understand that I did not intend to…"

Midori looked at him with an unreadable expression as she held her friend's hand. It was Chihiro who spoke. "I am sorry I was not able to carry through the promise our parents made to each other. Please know that nothing that passed was any fault of yours. You are a good man, but my heart had long made its promise to another. And I could not let her cross the river of death alone."

Then Midori said something Kanbei could not hear. He came closer to better listen to her but that moment the vision started to change. The two samurai women began fading away into the mist. The young man stepped forward to follow them but as he did, their dissolving forms were replaced by the ghostly figures of two older women – also one brown-skinned and one black-skinned. But they were as different from Chihiro and Midori as night from day. Instead of a graceful, slender ebony-skinned young woman holding the hand of a short brown-skinned maiden, Kanbei now saw a tall, broad-shouldered brown woman standing shoulder-to-shoulder with a silver-haired black-skinned woman who was nearly as tall. His cousin and her friend turned their eyes upon him.

There was no malice in their gaze but Kanbei felt a sense of creeping terror as two pairs of eyes, one brown, one blue, bore into his soul. Why would he be afraid? He did not know. And he did not want to know. In spite of himself, the dark samurai took a step back. That was when he awoke.

As he sat up in bed, Shimada Kanbei realized that his bedclothes were drenched with cold sweat.

"Whenever you kill someone, another fallen spirit clings to you," so young Kanbei had heard seasoned warriors say. Now he knew for certain that there was truth in the saying.

--

The next morning, just before he left for the front, the young officer told his father and mother that he would meet no more matchmakers.

"My son, please reconsider," Shimada Satomi said as she held back her tears, "Perhaps later, when the sorrow is past."

Met with a stony silence from the young man, Shimada Seibei pleaded, "Your brother is dead! And your uncle has no sons! Don't do this to our family!"

Trapped between the earth and the sky, a young man sighed. Kanbei knew it was his duty to have children, and he should probably send his firstborn son to his uncle Juubei as 'repayment', considering that he was the direct cause of death for Shimada Juubei's only child. It would be the right thing to do.

But he gave his parents no answer. Shichiroji glanced nervously from his silent master to the elder Shimadas. Then he followed after the departing figure of Kanbei. Without a backward glance, Kanbei had mounted the fast turtle and started on his way back to the Allied Forces. "Perhaps," the young Shimada thought, "I will not live long enough to have to worry about the worldly concerns of marriage and inheritance."

Strangely, there was some comfort in that thought.

--

**Author's Comments:**

The idea of giving a son in return for one killed comes from Saikaku's The Great Mirror of Male Love. In Great Mirror, there is a short story in which a samurai boy fooling around with his sword accidentally kills his best friend/male lover. He goes to his friend's parents and prepares to kill himself to atone for his crime, but the friend's parents insist that he should become their son to replace the one they lost.

As to whether there is really a curse following Kanbei, see Chapters 2 and 4 of Unforgiven.


End file.
